Soul for Candy

QI GONG BLOG MOVED

2008-10-02T21:45:00.001+08:00

http://eandoesqigong.blogspot.com/

2007-10-30T03:54:00.000+08:00

staring at the well lit night sky. my thougths wander unto you.
And i hope, as i catch a glimpse of one star that outshone the rest
that you are there, under the same sky, at this very moment,
thinking of me too.

2007-10-20T03:30:00.000+08:00

There's a knot in my chest. a helpless feeling of inevitable misfortune. Its something foreign to me. something ive never felt before and im not sure if its a good thing.

It pushes me to the extremes and i'm lost.

Will it really all be in vain? i hope not. cause if it is, i cant even imagine what could happen to me. i shudder at the thought.

Please dont let it be so. please let it be everything i thought it to be. please just let it be.

2007-10-16T00:26:00.000+08:00

Physics - Murphy's Law

"Anything That Can Possibly Go Wrong, Does"

I have no idea how this got into physics but it is a law. which means it must hold true.

So in order to avoid this, must we avoid the that possibility.

Why must we expose ourselves to danger and only giving it a better chance of happening?

so if it were up to me, i wouldnt even give this possibility a window of happening.

if you reach for that platform it's as good as leaving the one you're stepping on. whether or not the one you're standing on will crumble doesnt matter since you'll be leaving it anyway.

here's to you my loyal friend.

2007-09-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

*I had a little chick when i was 5.
His name was balut.
i loved that little bird.
but, one day,
i ran over it with my ultra cool cobra cycle.
Then my cobra cycle wasnt so cool anymore.
I hated it for that and never rode it again.
Then i cried.

My point is, i dont wanna kill things i care about anymore. i'm so scared of making a wrong move that i might kill what i care about. And, now that i'm older it wouldnt just be a cobra cycle i'd be hating, it would probably be myself.

BUT

looking back, i realized that it wasnt all my fault. that bird went directly behind my wheel as i was getting ready to zoom off.
maybe if it gave a chirp or two i would have known it was there.

after all, knowing or awareness does prevent.

so yes, prevention is what i'm after.

BUT

It was just a little chick oblivious to what i could've done to him. so how was that poor thing supposed to know that i would've killed it?

I DONT KNOW. it's all crazy and i'm confused.

POINT IS IF ONLY I WAS AWARE, BALUT, I WOULD NEVER HAVE KILLED YOU! =(

*i never bought a new chick after that.

The man who climbed the too high tree

2007-08-27T00:12:00.000+08:00

Once a man climbed
The tree they called Too High.
He began from root to tree
Trunk to branch
And branch to fruit.
Everyone watched in suspense
As he swung and gripped and struggled.
He reached for the ripe
Felt its warmth and texture
Extended his fingers and
Slipped and fell
Body strewn and broken
Bloody and blue
Everyone exclaimed:
I knew he couldn't do it.

just because people say this, doesnt mean you can't and just because you've fallen, doesnt mean you can't climb again.

When you finally find something worth climbing that tree, don't give up no matter what because even if you dont get it, its always better to see the fruit a few inches from you than from all the way at the bottom.

2007-08-21T00:39:00.001+08:00

I AM VERY ANGRY AND I HAVE NOTHING TO JUSTIFY IT.

2007-08-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of you last night.

Something tells me you're not okay.

I'm worried.

I don't miss you nor do i want you back.

I dont have feelings for you anymore.

But i do still care for you.

And, I just want to know that you're doing okay.

That's all.

2007-08-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha parang ang drama ko ah. hahaha anyway just so you guys know, i am very happy with everything in my life right now. i havent felt this good about everything in a long time. updates on whats been happening to me, soon to come. ive just been really busy (but happy) with school and other things. ive finally found things i want to give my time patience and effort to. YAY. =)

it's been a while since ive written a poem

2007-08-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

falling down a dark pit,
towards nothing but regret and remorse,
falling into this supposed skit,
finding a sudden change in course,

Suspended ive never hung,
from a ropes origin unknown,
yet i hold on with every lung,
contracted as if not my own,

Blindly i follow,
not knowing which way is up,
the direction seems hollow,
yet i climb towards the top,

Perhaps im going somewhere,
Towards you or away,
but i know ill try to get there,
in one or another way,

If i so happen,
to lose my way up this rope,
your voice i will apprehend,
and perhaps a new light of hope,

For you my grip will be tight,
as i climb and wait for your pull.
for the mean time i'll spend the night,
at a distance from breaking a rule,

suspended and waiting,
without a doubt in my mind,
for you to come saying,
yourself you have come to find,
that everything is now okay,
your time was not futile,
perhaps maybe some day,
i'll be able to cross that mile.

Till then i'll be waiting,
patient like i never was,
still constantly pulling,
on this rope connecting us.

2007-07-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

I think... i want to fall in love. yeah. maybe...with you.

2007-07-01T03:29:00.000+08:00

how beautiful, how beautiful you streamed upon my sight,
in glory and in grandeur, as a gorgeous sunset light,
how softly, soul-subduing, fell your words upon mine ear,
like low aerial music when some angel hovers near,
what tremulous, faint ecstasy to clasp your hand in mine,
till the darkness fell upon me of a glory too divine,
the air around grew languid with our intermingled breath,
and in your beauty's shadow I sank motionless as death,
i saw you not, I heard not, for a mist was on my brain,
i only felt that life could give no joy like that again,

old friends

2007-06-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

tonight, i found closure with someone i used to go out with. classic story, like most of my relationships - which i'm NOT proud of - i just drifted away without ever explaining why. funny what "this time last summer you'd be out with ean" can do. to whomever said that to her, thank you for that. she messaged me today, asking how i was and whats been going on. we then took a stroll down memory lane and started to talk about what happened to us back then.

she asked, why?

i told her why.

i've never actually told anyone why i leave or left, i always just tell people that im not ready for a relationship, it's much easier that way. less complication for me. but today, i told her the real reason why i drifted away. and she thanked me for that. she even appreciated my reason for doing so. now, she's happy and is actually going to celebrate her anniversary with her new boyfriend this sunday, and like i told her, i'm happy for you and im sure things turned out for the best.

once again, i don't regret ever leaving. more often than not, i have very good and valid reasons as to why but i just like to keep them to myself.

i'm just real happy now that i got that off my chest. and, finally. we have closure.

to the girl - you and i have always had that bond of trust to share. you've relied on me many times and i to you too. i'm sorry for ever disappointing you, for breaking your trust. now, i'm just gald that you and i are alright again. congratulations on finding your happiness i truly am proud and happy for you.

Time

2007-06-07T01:57:00.000+08:00

I always thought time passed at a normal rate...
but, it doesn't, does it?
when i'm waiting for her...it seems to be eternally long
but...
when i'm with her... time passes by in an instant.

my pensieve

2007-05-23T01:50:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since i've blogged. since that time, i havent really been doing anything. i've been bumming around being useless. i guess i'd still prefer this over studying. but i do have looming issues thats been bothering me for a while.

issue #1. getting tired of doing the same shit everyday
my everyday is a broken scene waiting to be rehersed again and again and again and agin. heres how it goes. i wake up at around 2 am. go online till around 4. thats when anton and/or carlo comes around for a smoke. at around 5 they leave and i watch a dvd till around dinner time. at around 8 we have dinner, and after that i usually go out to play ball. i get home at around 11 - 12 and stay online till around 3-4 am. then i sleep and everthing happens ll over again.
- think about having nothing else to do but that every damn day. it gets pretty damn boring. although i am hoping for a change soon. ateneans are ending summer class soon and i'm excited to be up north more often.

issue#2. People opening up
usually not a problem for me. infact, i'd be flattered for someone to open up to me. it means that they trust me, they trust the advice im gonna give, they trust that im gonna listen (which i really do). BUT, there came a point where i couldnt take anymore. that point is now. i mean come on, everytime, they come up to me with problems about their girlfriends. i know they just need someone to talk to about it, and its cool with me. really. but not when you have 7 people going to you for help! i feel like im carrying the burden of 7 of my friends. i know i shouldnt get absorbed in it but i just cant help but feel sorry for them. and when i do, it affects the overall mood of the time. theyre feeling shitty, hence i feel shitty too. it just kills it. once in a while is okay. but to do that all the time, might as well not!
-but still, all of you are more than welcome to vent out and seek my advice anytime. -- just not now.

issue#3 "ano nga ba meron sayo?"
someone asked me THIS recently. and i have to say, it made me feel like SHIT! when you ask someone that, you're more or less implying that you cant see ANYTHING in the person! and for someone to say that you've got nothing in you that makes you special... well, i'll be damned if any of you dont feel bad after being told that. Damnit, that one question realy made me think about my past, my ex's, my frriends. why do people even care about me? why did people even like me? if anything at all it was totally degrading.
- so that one question made me go through a lot of soul searching. i went back to old letters, talked to a good friend about it and found one common thing. it's how i make people feel about themselves. im not talking in a conceited tone or anything but thats really the common denominator i found. i make people feel good about themselves. i make them smile. i make them feel special. all those thank you's that i over read DID mean something. it provided me with the essence for my being. as cheesy as it sounds, i guess im around to make people feel good about themselves. now that i realize that, i feel that THAT is much more important than feeling good about myself. this also came from a very good friend of mine

--"its cause you are genuinely sweet and caring.there's truth to your character and you have a sincere way of showing how you appreciate other people"-- i guess thats all there is to it. i care/cared for my friends/ my ex's/ my family/ even my future friends and gf-wherever you are- (hopefully this stays singular) so much that i would do anything just to make them feel good.

so thats that,I can make you the happiest person, but if you wont let me be that one person, then theres nothing i can do but hope you find someone that can make you happier than i can.

-- i know that was very ironic considering my first issue but come on. i can only take so much! ill still be the same. hehe --

issue#4 am i BISEXUAL?!??!?!?!?
Shit i can't believe that im saying this but... am i really?! i know im not gay. thats a fact. i love women too much... but could it be possible that i love men too? hahaha why i'm syaing this? one day i just figured, FUCK! i act gay so naturally that it's a bit weird! i mean i can say that guy is hot just as the next guy can, but i comes to me so naturally. no hindrance of whatsoever. it just comes out the same way i'd say any other girl is hot. so WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO DAMN NATURALLY FOR ME?! i mean i can molest any of my guy friends and not feel weird about it. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!
- so after a whole new scneario of soul searching i found that.......... i am STRAIGHT. THANK GOD! it's simple actually. i just feel so secure with my sexuality that i dont give a damn about what others think of me. (all this ime it was what i thought of myself that mattered most) let them think im gay, i dont care. i know deep down inside that its still women for me. but hey i guess being BI wouldnt be so bad. i mean the greeks were BI and so were the romans, in fact some were even gay. BUT for now, i am straight. YAY

issue#5 nice guys finish last.
I'm what you'd consider a nice guy. im not like those bad boys that girls have a strong affinity for. im not one of those cases where girls find a ray of hope to straightening the guys life. i don't need that. in fact, i think im perfectly fine. i dont do drugs... well, alot or the hardcore ones atleast. i dont get pissed drunk every night. im not friends with those guys that could kick ass anytime they wanted to. i'm don't drive those fast cars and fight with my family all the time. i don't get into fights with people. i'm nothing like that. in other words, i'm far from being that bad boy all women want.
- i AM a nice guy. and so what? what it comes down to, is that a guy should treat women with care and respect. can the bad boys really give that? but despite that the bad boys always win. its the classic story of the geek and the jock. That's society. but one thing i have to say, is that even if nice guys finish last, ATLEAST THEY FINISH.

I've got many more to go but i've got an appointment with the doctor later. so it's time to sleep. that's it for now.

Summer in Manila

2007-04-27T02:31:00.000+08:00

Summer so far.

1. IT IS FUCKING HOT HERE
2. HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE, I FEEL LIKE A LAZY ASS BUM.
3. HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING OUT. (I START IN MAY. I SWEAR!!!)
4. IT'S SO HOT AGAIN!!!
5. I'M FUCKING BORED. IT'S THE SAME THING EVERYDAY. BUM IN THE DAY, BALL AT NIGHT AND BUM AGAIN AFTER. I NEED SOMETHING NEW TO HAPPEN.
6. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO UPCOMING TRIPS WITH D7
7. PEOPLE IN THE NORTH ARE HUGE PUSSYS. THEY'RE TOO DAMN HARD TO COORDINATE WITH. NOBODY REPLIES SO HOW THE HELL CAN I ORGANIZE SOMETHING?!
8. STILL DAMN HOT.
9. AND I'M STILL BORED.
10. AND LASLY IT'S STILL HOT.

I wanna do something productive but i can't. theres absolutely nothing to do. I mean i read. i study french (what the hell is wrong with me) and i play ball. but still at the end of my day i still feel empty. i need something to spice things up! oh God please let it come soon or i won't be enjoying my summer.

Ghost Boat

2007-04-22T04:11:00.000+08:00

I read this article in yahoo news (where i learn more from than in school) about a yacht floating off the coast of australia. here,s the thing, the boat was ompletely fucntional/functioning. The computers were all turned on, a laptop was left open and a meal was set out on the table with the food and utensils in place. there was no damage to the boat of whatsoever, no sign of it going through a natural calamity or an accident. in other words, everything was in place. except for one thing, the crew or no one for that matter was on the boat. how freaky is that?! what the hell happened to the people?!

I have three and a half theories as to what happened.

Theory 1. The people were actually deep sea diving and forgot to put the anchor down. so right now they're somewhere in the ocean without a boat. the boat must've floated away or possibly found at the time of the dive and was hauled back to shore leaving the people behind.

Theory 2. They were abducted by aliens.

Theory 3.a All of them fell off at the same time and had no way of getting back onto the boat.

Theory 3b. All of them were pulling a jack and rose scene when a big wave hit the boat and threw ll of them off.

So anyway those are what i came up with. what do you think? comment and give me some of your theories as to what happened. Let's have fun! hahahaha

stop over in japan

2007-04-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

were here in japan right now for a hour and a half long stop over. first of all, can i just say, my blogger is in effin japanese! hahahaha oh well i was able to figure my way through it. but its weird!!! no matter what i do everythings in freakin japanese. haha anyway.

i saw pursuit of happyness (to those that don't know, it's purposely spelt with a "y". watch the movie, you'll find out why.) while in the plane. anyway, i always knew this movie was something but i never knew it would move me the way it did. X thousands of feet in the air i find myself moved to tears (okay, maybe just a tear) at the idea of accomplishing the impossible. Chis Gardener is a man that should be recognized around the world, not only will his story inspire people to do the same but it will make our earth a world of wishful dreamers that aspire for nothing less than what they dreamed of. a world where mediocrity doesn't exist. A world with people like that, to me, is full of endless possibilities, they can make anything happen and to have that, i must say, is a world short of perfect.

"It was right then that I started thinkin' about Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence, and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinkin', how did he know, to put the pursuit part in there, that maybe happiness is something we can only pursue, and maybe we could actually never have it, no matter what. How did he know that?"

Having seen that movie, i feel ive been given a new life to go after what makes me happy.
"you're the only one that can say i'm not good enough and even if you tell me i'm not good enough, maybe then i still won't believe you."

Thank you Ginj for your contribution to this. =)

so true

2007-04-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

if love wasn't so hard then everyone would be taking a go at it then it wouldn't be special anymore. - Nica

coming home

2007-04-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

im a few hours away from leaving for manila. as much as i complained about gaining weight and getting bored here i find a sudden change of heart. i guess it comes with havng to say goodbye. i hate goodbye'. i was never good at them. so to all my relatives ive hung out with spoke to and spent time with in this trip. Goodbye to all of you and see you soon!!!

There was one person in my last trip to the states whom i never got to say goodbye to properly. it's funny because you actually live in manila. even though you'll never read this, i can't help but write about you because coming home reminds me of you.

i know it was my fault why you left. i made you wait for so long, took you for granted and never cared about you the way i should've. i'm not bitter about anything, i know it was my fault. so now i have to pay for that. don't get me wrong, my feelings for you are gone. but, i can't hep but bring along that lingering trail of what we used to be mainly because i never said goodbye to you. you told me, you'd wait. i told you i just needed my time in the states. i did need that time but you never waited. it's fine, you waited so long and that was more than i ever deserved. so thank you for that.

as i lay in bed last night, i only had one thought. call it a stroll down memory lane but i couldn't help but remember that time i woke up at 430 in the morning, dressed up for school, passed by mini stop to buy your favorite breakfast food and wake yaya M up early in the morning only to wait by your bed for you to wake up. (i remember doing this to make up for some shit i did to you. turns out, it's one of the clearer memories of us to me.) your eyes opened and you gave me that smile that you make when you're happy. that big crescent smile you give me whenever i did something for you. i remember telling you i had to leave for school. i kissed your forehead and stood but you pulled me to bed back and asked if you could stay in my arms for a while. i remember saying one thing, "i'm sorry but i'm late. i love you and i'll see you later".

i never saw you again.

now that im thinking clearly about what happened. that morning i saw you was the climax of events between us. you're probably wondering why i never called or texted that day. i do to. but now that we're older and away from that.i see it clearly now. it was one catastrophic event that was all part of our cosmic revelation. that one event summed everything up. you, me, what we had.

so now that im coming home again. i'd like to say goodbye to you. you were nothing but great to me and i failed to see that. i'm sorry.

funny thing is the last time i came home, i thought i was coming home to someone. i was excited for that. turns out that i came home to no one. this time around, it's still the same. only now, i know that i'm coming home to no one.

okay enough drama crap. i said goodbye and thats that! i'll see you when you cross my path again!

Blades of Glory

2007-04-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

okay. you want a feel good uber light movie to cheer you up? watch blades of glory. its hecka funny. i almost died of laughter. seriously! i was laughing my damn head and ass off! 4.5 stars from me!

a retort to my friends blog

2007-04-12T16:25:00.000+08:00

INCOSISTENCY ON THE OTHERS PART IS THE FUCKING HUGE LOCK TO THE DOOR. haha sorry anna. i just had to say.

2007-04-12T01:49:00.000+08:00

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I TRY OR AT THE VERY LEAST CARE.

ADMU checklist

2007-04-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

I did not make this check list. i just found it on my friends multiply site. so forgive the grammar. i don't get what tense is being used here and im too lazy to correct it! you'll figure it out!

(X) eat at Manang's - HELL YEAH! manangs at T-TH! i miss those times!!!
(X) learn the alma mater - uh yeah like most of it.
( ) get on the dean's list - deins list lang eh.
(X) sleep on a bench - Heck yeah. i can fall asleep anywhere.
( ) be a TNT - nah. wouldn't wanna be either. unless...for the freshie hotties.... hmmm
(X) jog around the campus in the evening - YEAP. it's pretty nice actually. you should also try getting caught in the bathroom of the gesu at 2 in the morning hahaha
(X) visit the art gallery - yeap to sleep and to escape the heat.
(X) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name - YEAH! si chief in the cov courts.
(X) get a Jesuit for a teacher - if HS counts, yeah.
( ) itch from higad bites - no way. i'm careful.
(X) have gotten an F in something - History. dumbass. =)
(X) have taken a crap in school - need i say more? HAHA
(X) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game - even before i started studying in Ateneo!
(X) give a powerpoint presentation - usually what i resort to. it's easy eh!
(X) study in the caf upstairs - uhm. yeah i think.
(X) watch a T.A play - fil requirements.
( ) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars - no.. sounds like a plan though
( ) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford - never... are they any good?
(x) sleep in the lib - yeah like the rest of the whole student body.
( ) visit Mr. San Andres - who the fuuuuck?
(X) go to the chapel - yeah i visit once in a while. when in need of peace
(X) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad - doesnt this happen to everyone?
(X) cut class with your block to watch a movie - block? nope. but with someone yeah.
(X) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers - i think so.
( ) go to CERSA night - uhhh what the fuck?
(X) have tried siomai rice - yeah, but after the first time i got food poisoning. so never again! friends beware!
( ) learn how to smoke - uhm... im not sure haha
(X) fall in love - how can you not fall in love?! you've got the trees, the school, the environment you can fall in love with just about anything in ateneo, let alone anyone!
(X) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib - errr, wala pa akong nahihiram sa lib. - yeah.. FUCK! I HAVE OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOKS! TANGINA!
(X) play cards during your free time - yep. it's a freshie thing.
(X) dress in business attire - yeap. for theo. which wasnt needed pala. stupid ass.
(X) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight - yeap. thats ateneo for you!( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC - once again.. what the fuck?!
(X) take Saturday classes - NSTP?
(X) go to your immersion - Lupang Pangako!
( ) eat Food for After Thought sandwiches - EH?!
(X) get a boyfriend/girlfriend - yeah. i think you can count that. ahaha

(x) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors - yeah. fuuuny.
(x) watch Minsan Lang Sila Bata and Macho Dancer for class- minsan lang sila bata. but macho dancer? hmmmm sounds interesting though! does anyone know where i can watch? haha
(X) do a last minute paper <--- yeap. i can write 2 page papers (worth A's) in ten minutes now!
(x) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures - yeah putangina yan! hassle! every start of the sem!
(X) get exempted from final exams - yeah. physics i think.

(X) attend a college mass - yeah

( ) promise to quit smoking - fuck no
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest - oh my god! this sounds like fun!!!!! miel miel miel!!!!!
(X) know where the best restrooms are on campus - top floor gonzaga. you have it to yourself which means you can lock. it also has everything you need there.
(X) join an org - think i'm part of two actually haha
(X) allow yourself to make mistakes - i always do. everyone does!
(X) take summer classes - fil 12 haha
( ) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening - mmm what are we talking about?
(X) make a video for a project - yeah. almost every sem.
( ) have a crush on a teacher - mmm nope.
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat - not yet.
(X) have gotten a parking ticket - many
(X) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes - i think everyone's done this
( ) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones - nope.
(X) participate in school activities - yeah i'm sure! just not sure what
(X) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts - in support of my friends
(X) ride a tricycle on campus - yeah when i'm tamad to drive
(X) find a tambayan - many!
( ) admire the marikina valley at night - how?! and where?!
(X) go drinking along Katipunan - yeap. who hasn't
(X) learn how to beg for a higher grade - yeap! here's a tip, have a drink with the teacher. i got a grade i didnt deserve! haha
( ) use your cuts wisely - naaah. cutting is never wise.
(X) volunteer to be class beadle - always what i do. haha
(X) had the worst lottery schedule for reg - been getting pretty okay numbers so far..
(X) admire the trees on campus - yeah why not?! nature!
(X) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class - many times. i dont listen in class. i rely on my ever loving blockmates.
( ) eat in the ISO canteen - not yet!!! everyone says its good there though!!!
( ) be active in your org - hahaha no.
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it - ACP!? again. What the fuck??
( ) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair - again. wtf.
(x) learn how to cram - i rule at cramming.
(x) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere - nope.
(x) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes - save to xerox? haha
(x) have accidentally seen a make-out session - i think the other way around. hahahaha kididng
( ) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge - can anyone point me to these places???
(x) have dozed off in class - always
(x) learn how to work with groupmates from hell - yeah. but im usually the one from hell.
(x) perfect the art of parking on campus - carpool baby!
(x) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus - yeah! them fucks caught me thrice without my id. now i have a major offence for it.
(x) develop a love for sisig - always had that.
(x) learn how to pronounce AEGIS properly - uh.. ey-jiz?
( ) have used typing rooms at the library - where?!
(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function - yup! beadling!
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries - is this possible?!
(x) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella - yeah that was my nice turquoise esprit one! that thing helped me get chicks attention!
(x) have used consultation hours properly - when in need.
(x) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment- i dont really look forward to it. it's a pleasant surprise though!
(X) visit the Guidance Office - yeah. once or twice.
(X) and Infirmary - hmmmm to help someone!

New York again

2007-04-06T12:46:00.000+08:00

okay, i take back what i said about new york. haha i love it here. it IS cold, but you get used to it after a while. sure, it gets pretty boring here in tappan (peacefull) but manhattan makes up for it. a 15min drive to sweet chaos. manhattan isn't what we usually see in movies (you know, the disorder and crap) it's a little less than what's usually portrayed. infact, i'd consider the place pretty sane. call it a makati if you may. well yeah, it is like a makati but still makati's nothing compared to that. i most especially loved central park. i kinda wish we had one of those in manila. if we did... i'd probably be there almost every day. i don't know. its the idea of a place's unbelievable serenity in the middle of chaos that draws me to it. one minute you see people running, a fast car zooming by or a fire truck zipping and screaming past you and another you're in the middle of a park surrounded by trees and silence in th form of harmonic noise. it's like finding your refuge from the true world. your refuge from the shit that goes on around. now ,THAT is something. IMAGINE having that.

It's one am. im sleepy and tired of playing with my new toy. i think i'll play with it tom again hehe YAY! oh and waterbed's suck. its so damn hard to move around in it. you sink into the sides of the bed... i don't know. maybe im just too heavy. hahah oh well. goodnight world.

New York

2007-03-31T16:01:00.000+08:00

I don't fucking know where i am! all i know is that i'm in new york. no, not in manhattann im somewhere outside of that but i don't freakin care!!!! it's fucking cold and i don't do good in cold! my fingers are fucking frozen now and i literally have to move my hand (not my fingers) to freakin type this! oh i haven't smoked since i left, im too scared to ask my tita. well more of shy. were not too close to my dad's side of the family kase. haha anyway i wanna go to frisco. yeah im much more comfortable there. ooooooooh comfort. i want comfort.

goodbye!

2007-03-30T04:08:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving for the states in 4 hours. tangina 7 pa pala flight ko. akala ko 330. hahah anyway, i'm kinda excited and well.. not excited. haha excited because i like travelling but i know for sure im gonna gain weight!!!! i don't know why but everytime i go to the states i gain weight. it's the food. it's definitely the food, just so damn good!!!! aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww i'm really gonna try to jog everyday! hehe so for those that read this please remind me to jog so i don't gain too much weight okay? Anyway, things i'm gonna miss,

- "dude, smoke?"- anton/carlo
- "DOTA" - ponch
- "rizza this rizza that" - marlon
- COCO - i know that dog get's annoying but im gonna miss her like hell!
- my total freedom to smoke whenever i want.
- the comfort of my bed.
- 2 on 2 ball every sunday. yes chris that means you my partner.
- TIN TIN MUNDIN - i'm gonna miss you so much hun!
- SKITTLES!!!!! - the bond i've developed with this car is that of couples. she's my girlfriend now.
- Flaming wings
- monpoly night
- hanging out at the driver's lounge infront of my house.
- my pillows.
- my guitar
- and. sucre. yeah most likely. =) "you really think i'm gonna miss you?" YEAHUH! hahahaha

But, i'll be gone for a lil bit past 2 weeks lang. hahaha so it's no biggie i just hope i don't gain too much weight and miss everything too much! ANYWAY that's it for me. by the way, i hate missing things.

Ean signing out.

a little something i found in my sister's friendster account

2007-03-26T03:02:00.000+08:00

She's not the type of girl to wait by the phone.
Shewon't cry.
She knows it'll get her nowhere.
She'll laugh a lot & often and she'll live her own life.
She'd like you to be a part of it..
but she'll do just fine without you if she has to.
She builds high walls around her cause she knows no one can climb that high.
That way, when no one else is able to reach the top,
which is what she knows is going to happen,
she won't be disappointed.

She is vulnerable for the same reason she is strong.
so take me and save me and change me and then make me

Dare to dream your dreams,
dare to believe you can achieve your dreams,
dare to have faith in yourself,
and dare to love.
What have you got to loose?
Just a dare.

She's the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile.
The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if she can't manage to brighten her own.
don't be fooled by her little smiles and fake laughs,
because deep down she's still hurt.

I do believe in second chances.
I just don't believe that everyone deserves them.

sometimes its easier to act like you dont care than to admit that its killing you.
She refuses to add to the drama so she hides her pain and paints on a smile not wanting to be a burden so she pretends.

I'm careless.
I'm cruel.
I'm easily bruised.
I'm so tired of lying about it.
I'm not bullet-proof...

hmmmmmmm disturbing...

i can't do it on my own

2007-03-25T18:44:00.000+08:00

Our 5 game winning streak was broken today by team miguel and team latigo. i just find it so stressfull that i feel like i have to do the all the work. my partner, no offence chris, does NOT move. i can't do everything all the the time.

I don't know. this isn't really about the game anymore but this has been something ive been feeling for a long time. i know i don't do shit or anything but i can't help but feel like everyone's counting on me. for what, i don't know. but i just feel so damn pressured all the time. it's like im totally on my own and have to solve everything for everyone. i apologize to all those that read this, you guys don't do anything. it's just ME. perhaps it's the stress of the finals coming up. or the stress of my other life. i don't know. i really dont know anymore!!!

well anyway our record's 5-2. we'll probably lose every game after that. but what the hell. i just ask you to move man! make me proud partner!

The last breath before the big plunge

2007-03-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

Sitting on the porch, smoking a fag, i couldn't help but stare off into the empty street infront of me. i sit and wait. yeah, i wait. for what? i really don't know. it could be that moment before the plunge that im impatiently waiting for. that one brief moment that youre at the highest point. that one second where time stops and resumes again. that one point you hold your breath, close your eyes and picture just what may happen next.

no.

i'm not talking about death. i'm not gonna die soon, atleast i hope.

anyway,

now what happens when you reach this point? no one can tell. you can either fall back from where you came from or fall forward into the unknown. think of it as a roller coaster, except, the machines that move it don't exist. it's the wind. the unpredictable wind that can choose to blow wherever it damn wants at any time in the world. fate, yeah i think thats what you call it. it can push you forward or push you back. of course, all in accordance with what it wants or merely just "feels like doing". It's sucks to feel this helpless when you're playing against the fates.

Now, what happens next? i don't know. YOU TELL ME.

so now i'm back to theologizing. finals are coming up. 4 days of hell and one night to look forward to. delayed gratification if you ask me. makes the whole deal much sweeter.

rhum cap kicks zippo, marlboro reds, 5 peso coin and darth vaders ass! who's the master of the universe now huh?! BITCH!

all the small things

2007-02-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

do you know what it feels like to be waiting for you, silently hoping that it's you that would come along? hoping that each peron that passes magically becomes you? yeah. thats how it is. but you'll never know and ill never find out why.

perhaps its fate that were not meant to be. perhaps im over assuming too early. but this is how things are when you crash too early too hard. you pick out every little detail and make something out of it. whether it'd be for the good or the bad.

ive only been hit like this by one other person in my life. and, i have to say, that you've made things much harder. but thank you. thank you for waking me up from this dream that i've been living in.

on my mind right now

2006-04-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

hmmm a few things swimming in my thoughts.

1) treating girls like shit. Have you ever heard of stories about guys treating their girls like shit? i have. I hate it when i hear stories like that. not that im prying into peoples personal lives or anything but i just dont get how a guy could treat his girl like that. "ill be more than you can ever be to her, if only she can see that..."

2) proposing to a girl. is it really needed? i mean, its all just for a title right? or a number! (date, thanks to alan for this) its really all just a bunch of bull. when two people have something, they have something. its either a nothing or a something. and, that something is being together. its all just a question of how deep and meaningful ur relationship is. the title doesnt dictate the relationship, its the relationship that dictates the title.

3) leaving something. its always hard to leave something or someone. no matter what you do or how decided you are that you dont want it anymore you just cant help but look back at least once.

4) the beach. I never realized how beautiful beaches are until i spent two hours straight just lying down in a hammock and getting lost in the sea of sand and water. during those two hours, i was at peace. in perfect harmony with life. (i believe =) )

5) how much i miss the boys. sure i have more and newer friends up here in the north, but its still the boys posted in my desktop wallpaper. its not that i choose not to be there, its really more of circumstances that keeps me from going there. (gas pa! putangina ang mahal ng gas hehehe) kidding aside, im gonna pop up sometime there. hehe just you guys wait! i miss ya'll! Especially tita ces (i really dont know why hehe)

A Subtle Reminder of what we all should already know (R17)

2006-03-21T02:12:00.000+08:00

a story that my friend (who now happens to be a full fledged doctor (congratulations luke!)) had for all of us.

I met a lady yesterday ...She been beaten by a psychotic alcoholic druggie husband for 10 years. She's lost 2 teeth in the process. She compensates for his lack as a father by being more active as mother to her kids. She can't send him to rehab because they don't have the money for it. She can't leave him because she's afraid he might hurt himself and there's no one else who can take care of him and there's no where to go anyway. Yet every night she lies down in bed beside him in fear and his crazy behavior, to listen to him laugh and talk to himself, and to give in to his whims ...And after all this, she doesn'tnow how to approah or blame him, because after the episodes are over, he has absolutely no recollection of any of the events (and this was verifierd medically!)I didn't know whether to be amazed, shocked, empathic or some combination of the three..
So i asked her ... 10 years? how ... how ... did you do it?
and she replied: Every day, every night, ... I PRAY... then i face another day.
Suddenly, ... it all made sense.

Just a reminder to all of us. =)

Lazy (R17)

2006-03-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

just a "pahabol" post, since im already on the topic. I've been wondering why i always opt for the easy way out. Well, iv'e come to realize that my laziness plays a big factor in this. Most of you who know me well enough can truly say that i AM a lazy person. When i say lazy, i mean lazy raised to one milliionth power of pie. Alot of people can testify to that. From standing up to get the remote to driving an extra 10 minutes just to bring a friend home, you can all see how lazy i really am. Anyway im getting lazy going to end this post now. (just kidding, but really it's 2:10 in the morning and i need sleep.)

Soul for Candy (R17)

2006-03-21T01:55:00.000+08:00

Wondering why i decided to change my blog title to "Soul for Candy"? Well i changed it in contrast to our modern day decisions. Often times we're all faced with the decision to either do the right thing or take the easy way out (soul for candy). I've always opted for the candy (figuratively haha). Now, i plan to change that. No more easy way out for me.

Picking up (for R17)

2006-03-21T01:42:00.000+08:00

you ever get that feeling when you just wanna start anew? like, forget everything and start over on a clean sheet. well, i think i've been sent this oppurtunity. and, im definitely welcoming it with my arms ready for a tight hug. its something that ive always wanted for a long time.

HOWEVER, when we are given a clean sheet, the feeling of leaving the old one haunts you. you feel bereaved yet gleeful at the same time. its weird. you know you want to start anew yet you feel like you cant leave the old one. its a hard decision but youve got no other way to go but forward. you cant always be living in the past, even if you wanted to.

So let's all look forward. =)

you think?

2005-10-11T17:51:00.000+08:00

12 ways to get a girls heart
1. hug her from behind
2. grab her hand when u guys walk next to eachother.
3.when standing, wrap ur arms around her.
4. cuddle with her.
5. don't force her to do ANYTHING!
6. write little notes.
7. compliment her.
8. when u hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. say I LOVE YOU and mean it!
10. brush the hair out of her eyes.
11. comfort her when she cries.
12. love her with all your heart.

ADMU

2005-06-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

ORIENTATION

We had our orientation today. its was wildly toilsome! i felt like i was going to have a sudden attack or narcolepsy or something! just imagine, the air was humid and the covered courts were filled with over two thousand people! two thousand hot sweaty bodies pushing and rubbing against each other. SHIET. oh and we just didn't stay in the covered courts. we had to literally run hectically in the heat around the college for the campus tour.

BLOCK MATES

i was put in block D3 of inter disciplinary studies. we're all in all a total of 24 students. 10 guys and 14 girls. but none HOT. sure they look okay but none HOT, well to my standards atleast (and theyre not that high, really!!). they'll make good friends, i can assure myself of that. but, still im dissapointed.

SCHOOL

Ateneo is everything and more than i expected. it's got a beautiful campus. like the really old tree called "batibot" and the newly fixed zen garden. the campus is really just awing. i like it. im happy about it.

do you want me to bring the freakin Philippines?!

2005-06-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

im going to hong kong this weekend to visit my family and my mom gave me a few bilins. here they are.

1. Try to bring some of my blank canvasses for painting (not all, just a few coz they might be too heavy)
2. Tita Paring (Buy tomorrow, Friday and just put in the ref. Dont forget the sauce!) Try to handcarry na lang.
3. Dad wants KOBE chicken which can now be bought somewhere in Ortigas Ave. I think Tony knows where to buy them. Buy only a few. Remember youre only allowed 20 kilos!
4. Buy: Hotdogs, Purefoods the tiny bites and the big ones. Get the big packs na.
5. Buy Purefoods Chorizo Bilbao. (the ones in cans)
6. Get some tapa and longganiza in case lola has some.

i mean come on! does she expect me to bring all of that?! FUCKING A! BAD JOB, BAD JOB!

old age catching up

2005-05-30T01:30:00.000+08:00

is old age actually catching up to me? im only 18 but u feel like im getting old and grumpy. about a year ago i'd kill to have the freedom to stay out until the wee hours of the morning. now, i have that freedom and i feel like i dont want it. whats wrong with me? ive been goin home at around 5 am the last few times i went out. tonight or should i say last night i came from a debut. at around 10 pm i was already getting tired and i've already been wanting to go home. its not like the debut was boring or anything i just really wanted to go home. i cant say its because i lack sleep 'cause even if i sleep at around 6 i wake up at around 3 which gives me a whole nine hours of sleep. thats more than enough. maybe im just getting tired of going out. maybe i AM getting old. at 18 im already like this. whew, good luck to me when im chris's or luke's age. damn red bull na to. oh yeah i got home at 1130 from the debut. hahaha

look who's laughing now?

2005-05-23T02:01:00.000+08:00

hahahaha now you know how i felt!

what's love?

2005-05-23T01:43:00.000+08:00

i was talking to my friend earlier and he posed this question on me, "how do you know if this person is THE ONE if you know youre also willing to go the extra mile for others?" yeah. how do you know? i told him that all that changes when you actually love the person. loving the person means you block out everyone else, you wouldnt even think about doing the same for others. i just realized that this a very divertive answer. 'cause no matter what youll always know that you can do the same for others. i mean, what? so does that like mean there isnt such a thing as THE ONE? like, everyone can be THE ONE? which leads me to his next question, how do you know if you love someone? the million dollar question is, what is love? i told him noone knows what love is. its just like blind faith. you dont exactly know what youre believing in but you just believe cause you know its there. im not convinced by my answer.

what filipino dish are you?

2005-05-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

Halo-Halo: A medly of beans and fruits mixed with
ice, ice cream, and condensed milk

Which Filipino Food Are You?
brought to you by

Fortunate Fool

2005-05-22T02:21:00.000+08:00

She's got it all figured out
She knows what everything's about
And when anybody doubts her,
Or sings songs without her
She's just so mmm

She knows the world is just her stage
And so she'll never misbehave
She gives thanks for what they gave her
Man, they practically made her
Into a mmm

She's the one that stumbles when she talks about
The seven foreign films that she's checked out
Such a fortunate fool
She's just too good to be true
She's such a fortunate fool
She's just so mmm

She's got it all figured out
She knows what everything's about
And when anybody doubts her
Or sings songs about her
She's just so mmm

She's the one that stumbles when she talks about it
So maybe we shouldn't talk about
Such a fortunate fool
She's just too good to be true
She's such a fortunate fool
She's just so mmm

insufficient wine, overwhelming fun.

2005-05-22T01:48:00.000+08:00

its 2 in the morning. i got home a few minutes ago from tins. we had an incomplete wine night. yeah, incomplete. we only had 2 bottles of wine which wasnt enough. we didn't have cheese either. sad but the company of friends was the essence of the night. luke, pg, chris, toph,ton, choy, tin mer and mons all made the night good. thanks guys. i needed this night.

it was all good. from near kisses with a person of the same sex to dance showdowns with the songs "virtual insanity" and "freestyler". yeah, im called H2O cause of my liquid like fluid dance moves. uh huh. the night, the company, the fun actually temporarily filled up the void i have inside me. oh yeah, chris you should always wear your hair like that. you make me wanna ooooh aaaaah and forget abt manhood. im just kidding, but seriously you look HOT! no, uh im not serious...or am i? uh yeah. shit. you guys are the best!

Anton

2005-05-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, i just had to blog abt this... Anton is mentally retarded. anton really really needs to see a shrink. damn retard, with his bleah blah blhea weeeah crap. shit man. para tipid! then tangina you know (persons name) yeah well his friends... stupid ass. haha youre the best retard i know anton!

Montemar

2005-05-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

MONTEMAR, BATAAN MAY 13 - 15 '05

the trip was perfect! it couldnt have gone any better! big big thank you to tita ces by the way for shelling out for some of our expenses! we'll make it up to you! promise! we were all in all 11. Me, the three hererras, pg, choy, chris, mer, anna, tin tin and monica. thanks you guys! you guys were the reason why this trip turned out great! i should have more pictures but half of the hard disk on my phone got wiped out so i lost alot of our pictures from the trip! sorry! anyway im sure that the others have better shots! here are the pictures that was left on my phone.

Meriels sexy silhouette against the sun set

The highlight of our trip! we met David Hasselhoff

(we sure felt safe with this elite bay watch life guard with us!)

Yes, another picture of the sunset

Thats me pretending to sleep, but really, i was just posing for the camera.

(oh yeah i took that shot hahahaha)

Tin Tins wet look. ooooh ahhhh. seeeexy.

isnt Anna just so adorable???? awwww what? whatdya say chris?

Thats the face of a man that just drank a cup of kikoman mixed with coke. talk about spiked! haha

hola amigos! apenas intentando parecer atractivo!

thats me and mer!

sexy mons! nako may bago nang wall paper si mons!

carlo and tin tin! bed mates for only a night....never again. hahaha

huh?

2005-05-17T23:11:00.000+08:00

hmmmm i've been troubled lately. many things have been coming up actually. im just not sure if i can talk abt it here. oh lord i need help. im considering a shrink. what do you think? haha no. exage naman. i don't know. just wanted to vent out here. cant say much coz the conflicts within my mind have not yet been settled. its all stupid and i just wished it would go away. sometimes i wish that i could go back to the past and just avoid everything. like, stay away from everything, from everyone. i dont know. its dumb. arg. shet pak tangina.

are you an angel?

2005-05-12T14:24:00.000+08:00

a kiss would me magical. but, all i want is to be with you. im happy with that. just to see your face looking at me. your smile smiling at me. thats all i wanted. thats all i ever hoped for. dont get me wrong i'm thankful for everything, i loved everything. you were great you, were perfect but now im scared. scared of losing someone that was never mine in the first place. i hate goodbyes. i dont want to say goodbye. i wont, i cant, but ill need to. so ill start the first of my goodbye, farewell my angel. you were nothing but perfect to me.

Better Together Sweetie.

2005-05-12T14:18:00.000+08:00

"Better Together" by Jack Johnson

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come we're so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

MMM its always better when we're together
Look at the stars when we're together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
But tomorrow night you see
That theyll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find there way
Into my day to day scene
Ill be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree

Its always better when we're together
Somewhere in between together
Its always better when we're together
Yeah, its always better when we're together

MMmmmm MMMmmmm Mmmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together.

my birthday

2005-05-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: March 3

Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Keys to my heart

2005-05-08T18:57:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

With or Without You

2005-05-08T03:48:00.000+08:00

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And i wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but i want more
And i'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself awayAnd you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

2005-05-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

more pictures from tagaytay

2005-05-07T21:54:00.000+08:00

#41 for you

2005-05-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

Come and see

I swear by now I'm playing time against my troubles

I'm coming slow but speeding

Do you wish a dance and while I'm in the front

The play on time is won

But the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way

And find my own way out

I won't tell you to stay

But I'm coming to much more

All at once the ghosts come back

Reeling in you now

What if they came down crushing

Remember when I used to play for all of the loneliness that

nobody

notices now

I'm begging slow I'm coming here

Only waiting I wanted to stay

I wanted to play,

I wanted to love you

I'm only this far

And only tomorrow leads my way

I'm coming waltzing back and moving into your head

Please, I wouldn't pass this by

I wouldn't take any more than

What sort of man goes by

I will bring water

Why won't you ever be glad

It melts into wonder

I came in praying for you

Why won't you run

in the rain and play

Let the tears splash all over you

EK/Tagaytay trip, May 06' 2005

2005-05-07T17:50:00.000+08:00

Even if we were just a small group i still had tons and tons of fun guys! thanks so much!!!!

Master guitarist! hahaha fade into white baby!

Thats the face of a man thats been constantly molested by a "FAG"

surfer DAW yan!!!!!! surfer chick mons. sexy stoked BLACKENED. JK!!!

the little excited girl that ran out of hype.

This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is, instead, the end of the beginning.

"...cause life is a pleasure with you by my side..."

mons, whos hand is that???

anton going crazy.

on the good note

2005-05-03T01:16:00.000+08:00

to all the people out there that i care about and care about me in return. i just wanted to say i love you guys! really i do! even more than myself! no wait not really. i still love myself the most! but thats still a damn lot!

hopes and dreams

2005-05-03T01:01:00.000+08:00

hopes and dreams were never meant to be thrown away nevertheless be shattered. but in this case, mine was. how could something going so well be ruined by just a mere line? perhaps the realization of the truth behind this line? definitely. all this while i was lead to thing that i was doing fine, that i was heading somewhere. but this line stopped me right in my tracks and showed me that i havent even inched from where i started. of course the cosmos had to play their part too. later on, upon reading this line, the lyrics of a song, some pictures and captions convinced me that ive gone nowhere. its like fate was waiting for this very night to lay it all on me. or more like, fate waited till this night to stop playing with me, to stop leading me on. sure i can take it. i can take anything. i always do fine after everything. the only thing i feel sad about is that it was all wasted. with the little time left i knew i could make it work, heck not just work but soar high. i knew i couldve taken it to the highest level..if only...if only i was given the chance.

MIKES APARTMENT

2005-05-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

boys boys boys. tsk tsk. this isnt about the porn! hahaha

seriously now. this is for my friend mike.

please pray for the soul of mikes mom. she passed away yesterday at around 530 pm. she was diagnosed to have cancer a long time ago so her departure was much expected. but, either way, expected or not, the loss of a loved one still brings insurmountable pain. i pray for the Magcalas family, may they see the light through the darkness that theyre going through.

Mike, i dont know if youll ever read this, but i hope that you really do fix your life. you know what i mean. your moms only wish is for you to set your life straight. im sure of that. so please do it, if not for yourself then for your mom!

Would you ever?

2005-05-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

Would you ever hold the night
With just a single hand?
Would you ever let me go,
And make me understand?

Would you ever kiss me softly,
As if that kiss meant good-bye?
Would you hold me, oh so closely,
If I was to start to cry?

Would the tears I cried for you
Make you feel my pain?
Or would you not care for me one bit,
And my hurt would be in vain?

Would a simple question,
Remain unanswered?
Or if you were asked who you love,
Would I be your answer?

Would you keep your word
Of being always together?
Or would this lonely life of mine
Last forever?

If I told you I felt sad
Would you come be by my side?
If I was to get you mad,
Would it hurt you deep inside?

Don't ever tell me you don't care
Because I just know that isn't true.
If your heart decided to love someone,
...Would I be the one for you?

just felt like writing

2005-04-29T17:31:00.000+08:00

In the emptiness of my embrace
Deprived forever of such heavenly grace
Thrives a longing- never to be filled
A longing, yearning to succumb and yield

In the chasms of my mind
Trapped forever until the end of time
Lingers a thought- never to be heard
A thought filled with hope and silent words

In the inner confines of my soul
Imprisoned forever to be never told
Roams a prayer- never to be spoken
A prayer of silence never to be broken

In the empty corners of my heart
Condemned forever until Heaven falls apart
Dwells a wish- never to come true
A wish dying to be heard... by you

In the darkness of my dreams...
thrives a longing...
lingers a thought...
roams a prayer...
dwells a wish... for you

funny shit

2005-04-29T14:23:00.000+08:00

feeling down in the dumps? well an old friend of mine caught me like that and introduced me to this stupid ass flash song. yeah, its stupid but it sure did work wonders for me! http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php

oh yeah this is pretty funny too. its about this guy named, "the blood ninja" trying to have cyber sex. haha check it out. http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

tick tocking of my body

2005-04-29T14:20:00.000+08:00

my sleeping habits have been really screwed up lately. i sleep in the morning time (with the sun up and all) and wake up mid afternoon. as my lola would like to say, "ayan ka nanaman! ang araw mo gabi!".

if only

2005-04-29T03:18:00.000+08:00

if only the birds didnt have to fly to the south,
if only the bear could stay in one cave forever,
if only the wind could stay still,
if only the rapids would come to a halt,
if only the bees would stop buzzing,
if only the ants stop working,
if only the clouds were lifeless,
if only the cars would cease to move,
if only the fire could be iced,
if only the earth could be silenced,
if only the princess would stay in her throne forever,
if only all these would come true,
i would show you a world where everything is perfect.

RESTART

2005-03-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

i'm going to start writing in my blog more now for a handfull of reasons. one, its summer and summer can get pretty boring. two, im out of the country and when that happens i usually spend my time online. (ehehe what a loser) three, its a one way means of communication between YOU and ME. haha (two way if i allow comments.) see you guys!

the plan

2005-01-16T20:00:00.000+08:00

january 17, 2005
Filipino class
objective - get the filipino long test paper
reason - get the questions and make someone answer them for us
C.o.A. - BOB : * keeps one of the test papers for his row. (this paper will be used for the mission)
* asks for a new test paper
drop off point - LSC Katipunan
time - 430 pm
notes - * head of mission should stay clear of the Ateneo high school vicinity.
* pretend to be M.I.A.
post procedures - head gives the test to PURF to answer and then copies the answers in the el filibusterismo book
- use the book for the test the following day.
spoils of victory - A+

food

2005-01-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

hmmm i'm craving for... tempura and sashimi.... oooooooh aaaaaaaah. wow. were having contis cater for our lunch later. there goes my diet biatch.

ateneo

2005-01-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

well i got wait listed in ateneo. kinda crappy but then when i think about all of my friends that didnt pass (no one in my group made it exept for me) i feel better. hey its all gods plan right? maybe im not supposed to go to ateneo. maybe i am. what the hell ill leave it all to the big guy up there. Luke-- thanks for offering the slot but then i dont think its possible. hahaha hey maybe ill see benj in lasalle. oh well. PEACE

food

2005-01-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

i'm craving for... the biggest meatball sub from subway.

lasalle

2005-01-05T19:09:00.000+08:00

oh by the way i got into ab - com of lasalle! hahaha its not much since im aiming for ateneo but then atleast i have a college right? yeahoo! inuman if i make ateneo! KKB! kidding

new year new life

2005-01-05T19:07:00.001+08:00

well its a new year and ive decided... no more laziness and FAT! eans gonna go for fit now wooohooo! just you wait! uh huh! yeah baby!

new year new life

2005-01-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

well its a new year and ive decided... no more laziness and FAT! eans gonna go for fit now wooohooo! just you wait! uh huh! yeah baby!

Note from Ean

2004-10-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

Hey guys just take note that i'm starting this new scheme for my blog. since it''s about my mind and my stomach i'm going to color code the on going war between my mind and stomach. yellow for my stomach and red for my mind.

Dencios

2004-10-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

yummmmmm. My dad and i ate in Dencios a while ago. i just realized how much i missed eating in dencios! i Had a plate of sisig, plate of chicharon bulaklak and 4 glasses of iced tea, oh! and garlic rice! great dinner man! so damn full! my dad had bangus and squid. it was good too. i had like 250 grams of the squid. i ate alot didn't I? hmmmm Goodbye Dencios. see you next time my friend. FRIEND! MMMMMMMMMM

SHIT

2004-10-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

FUCK ALL OF YOU THAT DON'T HINK I CAN DO IT!

WHADAFUCK?!

2004-10-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

crap man. i'm fat! prior to writing this blog i hopped on the scale and guess what i saw?! 195! kick ass man! i think i want to break 200 before dieting. sounds fun. hehe i weighed in at 200 pounds! yay! hahaha NO I WILL LOSE WEIGHT. I'LL BE SEXY AGAIN. I WILL I WILL.... THIS IS EVIDENCE THAT I WILL GO ON A DIET! STARTING THIS VERY MOMENT OCTOBER 5 10:00 PM

my mind and stomach

2004-09-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm it's been a while since i've blogged... so i changed my title.

my stomach and my mind.

As time goes by, things change. alot of things. attitude, hair, waist line, weight., eating habits, yeah baby

so check, (fuck man, MON GO) i was thinking the other night and deeply reflecting on why i've gotten so fucking damn fat (take note i was having a burger while doing this) . I came to the conclusion that it's simply because of the drastic change in my eating habits or even my lifestyle to a certain extent. so the question, "what happened to my eating habits and lifestyle?"

i realized that my eating habits depend on my mood. say i'm feeling sad, i eat. i'm feeling blue, i eat. i'm feeling mad, i eat. i'm feeling good, i eat. shiiiiiiaaaaat. what's the deal with that?! as for my lifestyle, yeah things have been different for me. now that i live in ayala heights a.k.a. boringville i haven't really been exercising. no ball, no nothing! to make things worse they treat me like a king in this house! one command and i've got it! i never get anything for myself. shit i realize i'm becoming a lazy sleaze. all that's missing is that they spoon feed me everytime i eat in my bed! breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, and dinner in bed. i actually can spend a whole day just in bed! amazing huh? and you thought hoven was lazy.

anyway more blogs to come. i'm just too lazy and tired to write tonight. just wanted to introduce you guys to my new blog!

my day

2004-07-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

My day had it's usual ups and downs. I started it of by groggily waking up at 4 am. I had a freaking Religion project to do as well as an english long test to study for. I finished the project but i didn't really get to study for the test! stress! and ofcourse as you can expect, i didn't really do well in the test. oh well, that's life. Next highlight of the day was my CAdT training. it's not that i look forward to this session, infact i actually dread it! mindlessly following commands such as "sawalo-ba" and "sawalo-pat" is just plain stupid. our captain or should i say flight commander has got a personal grudge against me. i'm happy though, he doesn't use his power to make me miserable. althought the training itself is enought o make anyone feel miserable! just imagine, marching in the hot early afternoon sun! not to mention the push ups! "DROP!" that dreaded word. it kills me whenever i hear that. "sir one sir! sir two sir! sir three sir!...." shiiiiiaaaaat. anyway when the training ended, i felt great. the training itself is crap but the feeling you get from being able to go through it is just exhilarating! Feels great! After training today i decided to become and get the best cadet award. I pushed for a game of basketball after the training, i was still pretty much hyped up. my team was full of big guys so naturally i played point. My one and only higlight of the game was my one handed crossover which totaly faked the defender out and followed up by a foul counted finger roll. not bad i thought. but naturally after that i screwed things up. that's normal for me. so it's cool. i only played one game as i was still to get dressed for the highlight of my week. my date with "her". I was stalled abit at home since my grandma didn't want to let me use the Pahero, what a bitch, as if it was her car! so i ended up just using the space wagon, my space wagon, unfortunately! hehehe So i after getting lost around ortigas i picked "her" up. i took her all the way back to the dencios in ayala heights. why there? it's got the best view! it's an open area with a view of the city! simply beautifull! she and i were pretty lucky since there was a fireworks display! the night was going great. i even set up the waiter so that he'd bring a white rose to her while eating. she seemed pretty happy about it. from there we went back to eastwood, grabbed dessert and had a very nice chat. unfortunately i wan't really feeling it because i started feeling tired that time. nevertheless my night stipp went perfect. wouldn't have excahnged it for anything. except maybe to be with my family in alabang. anyway i'll be signing out for now, so damn sleepyyyyyyy......

The last days of my summer.

2004-05-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

You'd expect that since school is just around the corner I wouldn't waste my time for leisure. I mean I'd be like making the most of my summer time left! Incidentally that's not my case! I've been doing NOTHING these past few days. This is how my day went.

- woke up at nine.
- switched on the good old DVD, "a beautiful mind".
- had a smoke.
- caught "the bulletproof monk" on star movies.
- had a smoke.
- thought about masturbating. (take note, THOUGHT)
- smoked instead.
- made plans to meet up with ninoy, choy and ria.
- watched "Bruce almighty"
- smoked again.
- got dressed.
- left and went over to guel to tell him about the plan.
- picked up ria and choy (ninoy backed out by the way)
- went over to guava park and guess what I did?
- I had a smoke
- tried to play the guitar but it was useless so we left.
- smoked and met with carlo and anton.
- went home and kicked miguels ass in 75-77 2k4 game.
- chit chatted with antons "girl".
- ninoy came over.
- they left and now I'm online.
- I'll be watching another DVD later.

How freakin boring unproductive is that?! Almost all of my days are like that! If not even worse! shiiieeeet. Oh and sometime between bruce almighty and leaving I had chicken and empanada. Crap it;s even affecting my diet! Time to get up and exercise!

My last goodbye

2004-05-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

Day after day
I am reminded
I'm running out of time
to say my last goodbye
i'm leaving all of you
I'll be here alone
I'll have nobody
I'm forever alone
I'm fine with that
it's always that way
I'm always alone
nothing to say
I'm running out of time
to say my last goodbye
months from now
I'll make a new try
Time is precious
Time is running out
I'll have to say my last goodbye
I'm falling out
I don't know when
I don't know why
Time is running out
Time is making me cry

emptiness

2004-05-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

emptiness is something that eats a person up.

I'm being eaten up, real quick. As the day that i leave my home comes closer i feel like i slowly lose parts of my soul. Alabang is where i live. Alabang is where i grew. Alabang is where my friends are. Alabang is where i'm supposed to be in. Alabang should be forever. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. This happy dream of late night bumming, beer downing, smoke inhaling good times just has to end. Oh but i'm not saying goodbye to Alabang just yet. I will be back and the D7Gs will live! Alabang, my home now, my home forever. Peace boys.

shitty life

2004-05-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

I can't wait till school starts! everyone is at school! carlo, mer, ton, tin, mons bla bla bla. miguels around but that guy is usually busy. ninoy and choy have got their own thing going too. damn this is probably the one time i wish i was studying in lasalle! whew! what a life. to top it all of, my parents don't want to allow me to go out! damn now that really sucks.

JOY!

2004-05-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

I started my diet three days ago. This afternoon i caught sight of a weighing scale as to which lead me to ponder on whether or not i should check up on the progress of my unstable diet. To my suprise i lost an astonishing 7 pounds! Yes, 7
pounds in three days. not bad! and to think i weighed on a full stomach!

weight loss?

2004-05-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

I'm currently on a diet to lose the 20 pounds i gained while i was in the states.

Here's what i've been doing.
- no rice
- as much as posssible no carbos
- one light meal a day
- six o clock diet
- lot's of water.
- exercise (soon to come)

i wouldnt really know if it's working because i just started it a day or two ago. Temptation is everywhere and i am on the brink of giving up! (pathetic!) haha i guess i just love food too much. Hopefully my drive to lose 45 pounds (my goal) is strong enough to resist all temptations.

ME

2004-05-22T16:40:00.000+08:00

This blog is all about ME and the mishaps that happen in my everyday life.
This is also my new way of releasing stress! WELCOME