coming home

im a few hours away from leaving for manila. as much as i complained about gaining weight and getting bored here i find a sudden change of heart. i guess it comes with havng to say goodbye. i hate goodbye'. i was never good at them. so to all my relatives ive hung out with spoke to and spent time with in this trip. Goodbye to all of you and see you soon!!!

There was one person in my last trip to the states whom i never got to say goodbye to properly. it's funny because you actually live in manila. even though you'll never read this, i can't help but write about you because coming home reminds me of you.

i know it was my fault why you left. i made you wait for so long, took you for granted and never cared about you the way i should've. i'm not bitter about anything, i know it was my fault. so now i have to pay for that. don't get me wrong, my feelings for you are gone. but, i can't hep but bring along that lingering trail of what we used to be mainly because i never said goodbye to you. you told me, you'd wait. i told you i just needed my time in the states. i did need that time but you never waited. it's fine, you waited so long and that was more than i ever deserved. so thank you for that.

as i lay in bed last night, i only had one thought. call it a stroll down memory lane but i couldn't help but remember that time i woke up at 430 in the morning, dressed up for school, passed by mini stop to buy your favorite breakfast food and wake yaya M up early in the morning only to wait by your bed for you to wake up. (i remember doing this to make up for some shit i did to you. turns out, it's one of the clearer memories of us to me.) your eyes opened and you gave me that smile that you make when you're happy. that big crescent smile you give me whenever i did something for you. i remember telling you i had to leave for school. i kissed your forehead and stood but you pulled me to bed back and asked if you could stay in my arms for a while. i remember saying one thing, "i'm sorry but i'm late. i love you and i'll see you later".

i never saw you again.

now that im thinking clearly about what happened. that morning i saw you was the climax of events between us. you're probably wondering why i never called or texted that day. i do to. but now that we're older and away from that.i see it clearly now. it was one catastrophic event that was all part of our cosmic revelation. that one event summed everything up. you, me, what we had.

so now that im coming home again. i'd like to say goodbye to you. you were nothing but great to me and i failed to see that. i'm sorry.

funny thing is the last time i came home, i thought i was coming home to someone. i was excited for that. turns out that i came home to no one. this time around, it's still the same. only now, i know that i'm coming home to no one.

okay enough drama crap. i said goodbye and thats that! i'll see you when you cross my path again!