New York

I don't fucking know where i am! all i know is that i'm in new york. no, not in manhattann im somewhere outside of that but i don't freakin care!!!! it's fucking cold and i don't do good in cold! my fingers are fucking frozen now and i literally have to move my hand (not my fingers) to freakin type this! oh i haven't smoked since i left, im too scared to ask my tita. well more of shy. were not too close to my dad's side of the family kase. haha anyway i wanna go to frisco. yeah im much more comfortable there. ooooooooh comfort. i want comfort.

goodbye!

I'm leaving for the states in 4 hours. tangina 7 pa pala flight ko. akala ko 330. hahah anyway, i'm kinda excited and well.. not excited. haha excited because i like travelling but i know for sure im gonna gain weight!!!! i don't know why but everytime i go to the states i gain weight. it's the food. it's definitely the food, just so damn good!!!! aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww i'm really gonna try to jog everyday! hehe so for those that read this please remind me to jog so i don't gain too much weight okay? Anyway, things i'm gonna miss,

- "dude, smoke?"- anton/carlo
- "DOTA" - ponch
- "rizza this rizza that" - marlon
- COCO - i know that dog get's annoying but im gonna miss her like hell!
- my total freedom to smoke whenever i want.
- the comfort of my bed.
- 2 on 2 ball every sunday. yes chris that means you my partner.
- TIN TIN MUNDIN - i'm gonna miss you so much hun!
- SKITTLES!!!!! - the bond i've developed with this car is that of couples. she's my girlfriend now.
- Flaming wings
- monpoly night
- hanging out at the driver's lounge infront of my house.
- my pillows.
- my guitar
- and. sucre. yeah most likely. =) "you really think i'm gonna miss you?" YEAHUH! hahahaha

But, i'll be gone for a lil bit past 2 weeks lang. hahaha so it's no biggie i just hope i don't gain too much weight and miss everything too much! ANYWAY that's it for me. by the way, i hate missing things.

Ean signing out.

a little something i found in my sister's friendster account

She's not the type of girl to wait by the phone.
Shewon't cry.
She knows it'll get her nowhere.
She'll laugh a lot & often and she'll live her own life.
She'd like you to be a part of it..
but she'll do just fine without you if she has to.
She builds high walls around her cause she knows no one can climb that high.
That way, when no one else is able to reach the top,
which is what she knows is going to happen,
she won't be disappointed.

She is vulnerable for the same reason she is strong.
so take me and save me and change me and then make me

Dare to dream your dreams,
dare to believe you can achieve your dreams,
dare to have faith in yourself,
and dare to love.
What have you got to loose?
Just a dare.

She's the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile.
The type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if she can't manage to brighten her own.
don't be fooled by her little smiles and fake laughs,
because deep down she's still hurt.

I do believe in second chances.
I just don't believe that everyone deserves them.

sometimes its easier to act like you dont care than to admit that its killing you.
She refuses to add to the drama so she hides her pain and paints on a smile not wanting to be a burden so she pretends.

I'm careless.
I'm cruel.
I'm easily bruised.
I'm so tired of lying about it.
I'm not bullet-proof...

hmmmmmmm disturbing...

i can't do it on my own

Our 5 game winning streak was broken today by team miguel and team latigo. i just find it so stressfull that i feel like i have to do the all the work. my partner, no offence chris, does NOT move. i can't do everything all the the time.

I don't know. this isn't really about the game anymore but this has been something ive been feeling for a long time. i know i don't do shit or anything but i can't help but feel like everyone's counting on me. for what, i don't know. but i just feel so damn pressured all the time. it's like im totally on my own and have to solve everything for everyone. i apologize to all those that read this, you guys don't do anything. it's just ME. perhaps it's the stress of the finals coming up. or the stress of my other life. i don't know. i really dont know anymore!!!

well anyway our record's 5-2. we'll probably lose every game after that. but what the hell. i just ask you to move man! make me proud partner!

The last breath before the big plunge

Sitting on the porch, smoking a fag, i couldn't help but stare off into the empty street infront of me. i sit and wait. yeah, i wait. for what? i really don't know. it could be that moment before the plunge that im impatiently waiting for. that one brief moment that youre at the highest point. that one second where time stops and resumes again. that one point you hold your breath, close your eyes and picture just what may happen next.

no.

i'm not talking about death. i'm not gonna die soon, atleast i hope.

anyway,

now what happens when you reach this point? no one can tell. you can either fall back from where you came from or fall forward into the unknown. think of it as a roller coaster, except, the machines that move it don't exist. it's the wind. the unpredictable wind that can choose to blow wherever it damn wants at any time in the world. fate, yeah i think thats what you call it. it can push you forward or push you back. of course, all in accordance with what it wants or merely just "feels like doing". It's sucks to feel this helpless when you're playing against the fates.

Now, what happens next? i don't know. YOU TELL ME.

so now i'm back to theologizing. finals are coming up. 4 days of hell and one night to look forward to. delayed gratification if you ask me. makes the whole deal much sweeter.

rhum cap kicks zippo, marlboro reds, 5 peso coin and darth vaders ass! who's the master of the universe now huh?! BITCH!